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First Years of Marriage
Marriage is different from any other relationship because it’s two people coming together to form something completely new - a brand new family where one didn’t exist before. For Catholic couples, marriage is called “a partnership of the whole of life.” That means two people with equal dignity give their entire lives as a gift to the other. They give everything about themselves – all their hopes and dreams, all their memories and life experiences, all their genetics, all their good qualities and not so good qualities, their past, present and future – everything!
In reality, “becoming married” is a process that takes months, or more often, years. Oneness or unity is the goal, but the reality is that healthy togetherness requires healthy separateness. Only two selves, two whole people, can find true intimacy. Couples are, in effect, promising to grow up and grow old together, to agree and disagree with this person for the rest of their lives.
When asked to explain the secret of lifelong, happy marriage, experienced couples will say that they couldn't have made it on their own. It is only with the love and support of their family, friends and faith community, and God's boundless grace, that couples can achieve that oneness in marriage that all couples desire. Becoming active members of a Catholic parish community can make all the difference!-
Learn more about the first years of Catholic marriage.
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CLICK HERE for the newly married resource page covering the full range of marriage-related topics and tips and techniques for living your Catholic marriage each day.
Some common issues and challenges for newly married couples…
- Balancing job and family, parent and couple time
- Frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction
- Debt brought into marriage; the financial situation
- Marital adjustment difficulties due to physical needs, different personalities, different expectations
- Mobility and subsequent isolation from family and friends
- Differing needs and expectations for religious involvement, particularly where faiths and levels of faith are different
A perspective for newlyweds…
- Be aware of the normalcy of conflict and stress during the transition to marriage and/or parenthood
- Find a mentor couple!
- Focus on strengths, both in your spouse and yourself. Use these strengths to design a plan for building “us.”
- Don’t compromise commitment. Choose activities, friends and work situations that will encourage, nurture and support togetherness and commitment.
- Take the long-term view. You have a lifetime to get it right.
- Open yourself to God and to the graces of a covenant marriage. Pray!!
- Get actively involved in your parish community, your community of support to strengthen and sustain your marriage.
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Pope Francis on Marriage
“…in joining their lives, the spouses assume an active role in a lifelong project. Their gaze now has to be directed to the future that, with the help of God’s grace, they are daily called to build…Each must set aside all illusions and accept the other as he or she actually is: an unfinished product, needing to grow, a work in progress. (Amoris Laetitia, #218)
Young love needs to keep dancing toward the future with immense hope. Hope is the leaven that, in those first years of engagement and marriage, makes it possible to look beyond arguments, conflicts and problems and to see things in a broader perspective. It harnesses our uncertainties and concerns so that growth can take place.” (Amoris Laetitia, # 219)
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