Marriage Mentoring is a peer ministry whereby married couples minister out of their own experience to engaged or other married couples in their parish community. Mentoring involves active listening, deep sharing, empathy, compassion and accompaniment.
The art of mentoring is an age-old practice common to all cultures and founded on the basics of human relationships – we can learn from others who’ve mastered their craft - those who’ve successfully navigated the twists and turns, joys and struggles of marriage and family life. Through the process of mentoring, God uses married couples to bring Christ’s love to others. In this way, married couples become the living sign of God’s boundless love for the human race. This is what the Sacrament of Marriage is all about.
Comprehensive Parish Marriage Ministry brings faithful Catholics together for the purpose of strengthening marriages and families in their parish community. Through this lay ministry, married couples and others respond to their baptismal call to build up the Body of Christ by joining together in fellowship, faith enrichment, skill-building, and to help other married couples who are coping with particular struggles. Parish marriage ministry calls upon married couples to use their unique gifts and talents in service to the community in all kinds of ways, but most importantly to bring real hope that life-long, joy-filled marriage is within the reach of all Catholic married couples in their community.
No matter how strong the marriage is, no married couples are meant to go it alone. As Catholics, we’re part of a loving, supportive community who share the same values, celebrate the joys of family life together, comfort one another in our sorrows, and receive the love-sustaining grace of the sacraments.
An article from Catholic Match Institute describes the importance of mentoring for the parish: “Building marriage-minded communities means, at its core, creating and sustaining authentic friendships between like-minded married couples—couples who are fully committed to living out their vows, to nurturing and protecting their own marriages and others’ marriages, through whatever challenge or crisis comes their way…Volunteer mentor couples dedicate themselves to spreading the Church’s truth on marriage, thus supporting parish priests. These stronger marriages, in turn, create stronger families, which results in stronger communities.”
If you were married in the Catholic Church, are actively involved in your parish community, married at least five years and believe that God is calling you to share your marital journey with others, you can serve in parish marriage ministry and complete the training to become a mentor couple for other married couples.
The practice of mentoring in the Catholic Church is most commonly used during the marriage preparation process. Just as each child who is baptized in the Catholic faith has godparents, and each adult entering the Church through the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) has a sponsor, the Church encourages all engaged couples to “walk with” an experienced married couple, also known as a “mentor” or “sponsor couple” along the path of preparation to enter the sacred covenant of lifelong Catholic marriage.
The mentor couple thus becomes the living connection to parish life for the engaged couple. A relationship of trust is developed as the experienced couple shares practical advice about how to make decisions and solve problems together. Mentors also models for the couple what it means to “be” the sacrament for each other, a model of sacrificial, self-giving love, but always in need of God’s grace to sustain them.
To begin the mentoring process, engaged couples will either be instructed to select a married couple they admire from their parish who meet the mentoring qualifications, or they will be matched with a couple in the parish who is already serving in the parish's mentor couple ministry. This will happen early on in the marriage preparation process that typically begins one year prior to the wedding date.
Because the early years of marriage are so crucial to the stabilty and longevity of the marital relationship, the mentoring relationship that begins during the engagement period is designed to continue into the first years of marriage and beyond. Mentors play a vital role in assisting their newly married married mentorees to withstand the early challenges of marriage, learn from their mistakes, and always seek help when needed. Mentors who take a genuine interest in their mentorees and offer on-going encouragement and support are a great source of hope and wisdom for newly married couples.
CLICK HERE to learn more about mentoring of the engaged from our Journey of Accompaniment resource page.
In addition to specific Mentor Leadership training provided by the diocese for all parishes, the following workshops are offered for parishes upon request. Couples interested in completing one of the workshops described below may make arrangements by contacting Peg Hensler in the Department of Evangelization and Family Life, 609-403-7156; [email protected].
Relational Skills - The Basics of Mentoring
Description: This workshop offers an overview of the key relational skills needed for those who help prepare engaged couples for Catholic marriage, and those who accompany married couples throughout the stages of married life. Topics include active listening, levels of marital communication, process of forgiveness and reconciliation, accompanying prayer, and cultivating virtues.
Understanding Sacramental Marriage – A Catechesis on Marriage for Marriage Ministers
Description: This workshop deals with the fundamental question – what is Catholic Marriage? The goal is to give participants a solid foundation in the beauty and uniqueness of Catholic marriage so they are equipped to evangelize and in minister to engaged and married couples through all stages of family life. Topics include the origin and history of Christian marriage, what makes marriage a sacrament, what constitutes a true marriage, the development of Sacramental Marriage Theology in the Post –Vatican II era, the latest insights and pastoral approaches from the Synod on the Family and the new Order of Celebrating Matrimony.
Pope Francis on Mentoring...
“The parish is the place where experienced couples can help younger couples…[they] can share some practical suggestions which they found useful: planning free time together, moments of recreation with the children, different ways of celebrating important events, shared opportunities for spiritual growth.”
“Couples will gain from receiving help in facing crises, meeting challenges and acknowledging them as part of family life. Experienced and trained couples should be open to offering guidance, so the couples will not be unnerved by these crises or tempted to hasty decisions."
Marriage Disciples (https://thealexanderhouse.org/marriage-disciples/) – a Catholic approach to marriage mentoringForyourmarriage.org – A comprehensive resource for Catholic marriage filled with articles, resources and practical tips and techniques.
Witness to Love (https://witnesstolove.org/) – the number one program for mentoring the engaged. The book, Witness to Love, from Saint Benedict Press (www.saintbnedictpress.com) is a must read for all marriage mentors.
Focus on the Family (http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/strengthening-your-marriage/mentoring-101/marriage-mentoring) – A series of helpful articles for marriage mentoring (non-denominational Christian approach).
ConnectedMarriage.org – mentoring resources (non-denominational Christian approach)
Engaged Marriage (http://www.engagedmarriage.com/) - Great resource for strong, healthy marriages (non-denominational approach, Catholic themes).