Marriage Preparation Checklist for Engaged Couples
At least one yearbeforeyour wedding…
Congratulations! Now that your engagement is official,youshould notify your parishandscheduleyour firstmeeting with your pastoral minister(priest, deacon, or layminister), who may also serve as theofficiant for yourwedding. If possible, it’s best to book your reception venue after you’ve confirmed your wedding date at the parish.
What shouldhappenat yourfirstmeeting(s)at yourparish:
If you are newlyregistered in your parish or have been away from the areafor some time,this is a getting-to-know-yousession. It’s also a time todiscuss your hopesand dreamsaboutmarriage.
Catholic personsshould be prepared topresent a recent certificate of Baptism with notations of all othersacraments(communion,confirmation and any priormarriages in theChurch).
Marriage preparationin the Churchrequires a pre-nuptial investigation(PNI), which is all about your maritalreadiness.When Part I of yourPNI is complete, you may officially schedule your wedding Mass or ceremony, and may register for a Pre-Cana class – www.dioceseoftrenton.org/precana
For all couples in which one or both parties were previously married and for civilly married couples who wish to bring their marriage into the Catholic Church, the Better Together Remarriage Retreat offered in Spring and Fall is the preferred option.
An important part of marriage preparation is to select (or be paired with) a mentor couple, a married couple you admire from your parish who will offer guidance and accompany you through the preparation process and into the early years of marriage. If you need help selecting a couple, speak to your preparer (priest or deacon) or an active member of your parish.
To provide the skills, knowledge and tools to live your Catholic marriage, it is suggested that engaged couples work with their mentor couples (at their own pace) through the Better Together free online program from Dynamic Catholic , with 12 sessions of engaging videos on marital topics (https://www.dynamiccatholic.com/marriage-preparation.html)
By nine monthsbeforethewedding…
It is recommended that all couples take a pre-maritalinventory such as FOCCUS (Facilitating Open CoupleCommunication,Understandingand Study),so that all key aspects of the marital relationship are discussed, and couples enter marriage with full knowledge of their situation (www.FOCCUSinc.com).
Once your pastoralminister (PM) receivesyourFOCCUS results,you’ll want toschedule a fewsessionstodiscussyourresponses. If FOCCUS isn’t offered,you’ll have sessions with yourPM todiscuss the importantelements of Catholicmarriage as they apply to yourrelationship.
If you haven’t done so already, it’s time to officially meet with your mentors to determine what activities you will do together which may include discussing topics presented in the Better Together video series.
By six months before thewedding…
Attend your (Pre-Cana) marriage preparation class (it is suggested that you complete your marriage preparation program after the FOCCUS pre-marital inventory, ideally between 3 and 8 months before your wedding). Elements of the Better Together program may be used at your Pre-Cana
Take an online or live/in-person NaturalFamilyPlanning class for a full understanding of reproductive health.
If your meetings with your PM uncoversomeserious concerns in your relationship, you may wish toschedule additionalsessions,consult with your pastor, or ask for a referral through the parish counseling program.The Church’sprimaryconcern is a fulfilling, lifelongmaritalrelationship for both of you.
By two to three months before thewedding…
Schedule a Theology of Marriage discussion session with your priest or deacon (and mentors if possible) to explore important aspects of sacramental marriage such as permanence, faithfulness, openness to life, marriage as a call to mission, and sacramental grace (God’s divine help).
Once you’ve completed your marriage preparation instruction and all paperwork, you’ll meet with your pastoral minister (preparer) to affirm your readiness for marriage and begin planning your wedding liturgy. If you are both Catholic, a nuptial Mass is recommended. If you’re an interfaith couple, a nuptial ceremony may be a better option.
It is highly recommended that all aspectsof marriage preparation at the parish be completed by sixweeks before the wedding, allowing you to focus on personal reflection and last-minute details.
Catholic persons should plan to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation prior to the wedding to fully prepare you for the gracesof sacramental marriage.
Afterthe wedding…
Once you’vesettledintodailymarriedlife, be sure toset asideSunday as a day of restand renewal and make Mass a priority in yourlives.Thegracesand blessingsyou’ll receive as a coupleare an immeasurablesource of strengthto meet the challenges of dailymarried life.
Plan to get involved in your parish community together as a couple. Yourmarriage is a vocation and a call to lovingservice.
Stay in touch with your mentors, especially through the early months and years of marriage. They will be an excellent resource for you and will keep you connected to your parish community.
Always remember that your marriage is a sign of Jesus’ unending love for his people. May your marriage always be blessed by his presence.