Marriage | Journey of Accompaniment

Welcome to the Journey of Accompaniment resource page for parishes. Over 40 years ago, Pope St. John Paul II declared that marriage preparation should be "a journey of faith similar to the catechumenate" (Familiaris Consortio 1981). In recent years, our Holy Father, Pope Francis, has drawn upon his predecessor's wisdom in his concern for the many couples who enter Catholic marriage without a true understanding of the nature of the sacrament.

Because this situation all too often leads to joyless marriages or even separation or divorce, Pope Francis stresses "the need for a 'new catechumenate' for marriage...just as the sacramental process for the baptism of adults, so too may the preparation for marriage form an integral part of the whole sacramental procedure of marriage."

Here in the Diocese of Trenton, we introduced the notion of a "marriage catechumenate" (also described as a Journey of Accompaniment) to the diocese through a series of workshops in June 2023 with a plan that calls for a more comprehensive marriage preparation process, involvement of the parish community and the practice of mentoring of the engaged. The beauty of this plan is that it can be adapted for the needs of each parish community, it builds on what's already working well, and it is primarily a ministry of the laity.

What's On this Page (Click on sections below):

• A description/overview of the catechumenal process for marriage preparation 

• A summary of what we learned at the Journey of Accompaniment sessions

• Next steps for parishes to implement the catechumenal model of marriage prep

• Read more about the "marriage catechumenate"

• Draft marriage prep documents for engaged couples

• Documents and resources for mentor couples  

• Mentor Leadership Team resources

• Slides from Journey of Accompaniment Presentation

• Essentials of Catechumenal Model of Marriage Prep

With the recent publication of Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life by the Dicastery of Laity, Family and Life, the Vatican and USCCB are calling upon all dioceses to develop marriage preparation practices inspired by the catechumenate to better prepare couples for the demands of marriage and family life.

The Journey of Accompaniment sessions held in our diocese were intended to help participants identify elements of the catechumenal model of marriage preparation that are already happening in our parishes and build on these elements for a new vision that brings engaged couples into the life of the parish and involves the entire ecclesial community.

Marriage preparation should be a gradual process that begins in the home in early childhood. This initial stage known as remote preparation advances through late adolescence and into early adulthood when young men and women begin to seriously discern their adult vocation to either married life, religious life or the single life. As most will choose the vocation of marriage, the proximate stage of marriage preparation begins when a couple becomes engaged and approaches the Church for marriage. Final or immediate preparation includes the months and weeks leading up to the wedding day - a time to complete all paperwork, plan the wedding liturgy and set aside space for spiritual reflection as a couple.



The Journey of Accompaniment describes the moments of encounter for engaged couples with faithful members of their parish community, but most notably with married couples who model the beauty of Catholic marriage as a covenant, sacrament, vocation, and partnership of the whole of life. These moments help prepare engaged persons for an encounter with the person of Jesus, and engender a sense of belonging to their Catholic faith community (as members of the Body of Christ). Like the process for newly initiated Catholics, this journey of accompaniment does not end with the wedding day but continues into the early years of marriage. This is the final stage of the "marriage catechumenate," beyond the wedding day, when the newly married couple experiences the grace of the sacrament, a deepening of faith and increased participation in parish life.

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What We Learned from the Journey of Accompaniment Sessions...

A primary goal of the sessions was to present a new model for marriage preparation in the Diocese of Trenton based on the current guidelines for marriage preparation (Pastoral Policies and Guidelines for Marriage Preparation for the Catholic Church in New Jersey), but incorporating a variety of activities that form the basis for a catechumenal model of marriage preparation (depicted in the new Marriage Preparation Process infographic).

A key aspect of our proposed marriage prep process includes the practice of mentoring of the engaged whereby each engaged couple is accompanied by an experienced and faithful Catholic married couple they admire. Similar to the role of godparents for Baptism, Confirmation sponsors and RCIA sponsors, the mentor couple's role is to witness to the beauty and grace of Catholic marriage, impart wisdom and practical guidance, and form a relationship built on mutual trust and respect that enhances the faith life of both the mentors and the mentored. Mentors serve is the living connection to the Catholic faith community.
 

The Challenges and Benefits of Mentoring

Participants in the Journey of Accompaniment sessions were divided into four groups with the task of identifying their top three responses to these topic areas:

1. Obstacles and challenges to mentoring 

2. Benefits of mentoring for the engaged couple

3. Benefits of mentoring for the mentor couple

4. Benefits of mentoring for the parish 

Top responses for obstacles to mentoring included the increased time commitment (for parish staff, the engaged couple and the mentor couple), resistence from married couples who may be asked to be mentors and resistence from busy engaged couples, training and formation for mentors, and simple logistical challenges (the engaged couples may not live in the area).

Top benefits mentioned for engaged couples included having an experienced and objective married couple as a source of practical guidance, seeing the witness of a Catholic married couple and how the sacrament is lived in daily family life, having a couple to turn to for questions or help in dealing with struggles, and having a real connection to the parish.

The benefits for mentor couples included a deepening of their own faith life, enhanced communication in their marriage, seeing their marriage as a vocation - a call to serve, and the benefits of teaching practical skills and Catholic faith concepts to others (teaching is the highest level of learning).

Top benefits for the parish included a greater awareness of the importance of Catholic marriage for all parish members, creating a pool of married couples who are willing to serve the parish, building community, and a general strengthening of marriages and families in the parish.

To read a summary of responses from all four sessions, CLICK HERE.

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Next Steps for Diocese and Parishes - Try it in Your Parish

• Determine if you want to be one of 8-10 parishes to pilot mentoring and the catechumenal process

• Create a core leadership team in each pilot parish to oversee mentoring

• Core leadership team undergoes diocesan training

• Diocese provides tools, resources, guidelines for mentors and provides opportunties for on-going formation

• Diocese provides on-going formation for leadership teams

The first step in implementing a catechumenal model of marriage preparation is to offer a process that can be piloted in certain parishes, adapted and fine-tuned accordingly with a plan to eventually bring it to all parishes.

The Vatican document, Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life, stresses the need for a pastoral team in every parish to oversee the catechumenal process for marriage preparation. Our discussion sessions yielded a similar thought - that whether engaged couples choose their own mentors or the parish assigns a mentor couple to the engaged couple from a team of trained mentors, a parish leadership team needs to be in place to assist the pastor to oversee and help facilitate the engaged couple-mentor couple relationship, and connect couples to opportunities for formation in the parish. The leadership team may include clergy and paid parish staff, but should include married couple volunteers who may or may not serve as mentors themselves, and the leadership team should actively recruit new members from all stages of married life.

Practical training in how to build a culture of mentoring in the parish and how to facilitate the mentor couple-engaged couple relationship will be provided by the diocese for core leadership teams. While adult faith formation activities are always happening in our parishes, especially now with the Eucharistic revival, the diocese will also provide on-going formation that is particular to marital spirituality and the theology of marriage (catechesis on marriage).

Mentors and engaged couples will receive a complete set of guidelines for the mentor couple-engaged couple relationship, and a menu of activities for the 12-month marriage preparation process and beyond. The parish will clarify goals and expectations for the mentor-engaged relationship so mentors and engaged couples understand the commitment and take ownership of the process.

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Read More About the Marriage Preparation Process Based on the Catechumenate:

• Diocese’s efforts in step with Pope’s new priorities for marriage preparation (Monitor)

• The grace of accompaniment on the journey of Sacramental Marriage (Monitor)

• Personal Accompaniment Key to Vatican's Expanded Vision for Marriage Formation (OSV)

• Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life – Pastoral Guidelines for Local Churches (Libreria Editrice Vaticana, Dicastery of Laity, Family and Life)

• Called to the Joy of Love – National Pastoral Framework for Marriage and Family Life Ministry (USCCB)

​Draft Marriage Prep Documents for Engaged Couples

• Marriage Prep Checklist 2024

• Welcome Letter from Parish for Engaged Couple

• Guidelines for Selecting Your Mentor Couple

• Marriage Mentoring Plan for Engaged Couple and Mentors

Draft Documents and Resources for Mentor Couples

• Guidelines for Mentors for the Engaged

• Videos for that describe what Mentoring is all about

• Suggested Topics for Discussion Between Engaged Couples and Mentors

• Marriage Mentoring Plan for Engaged Couple and Mentors

• Article on Mentoring - 4 Virtues of Great Marriage Mentors

• Crash Course in the Sacrament of Marriage

• Tasks of Mentor Leadership Team

• Bulletin Announcements to Introduce Mentoring to the Parish

• Engagement Blessing Ritual

Journey of Accompaniment Slide Presentation

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Essentials of a Catechumenal Model of Marriage Preparation:

• The practice of mentoring of the engaged by an experienced married couple

• A celebration of the "rite of engagement," or an engagement blessing

• Concerns the entire parish community; involvement of the engaged couple in the life of the parish

• Participation of the engaged couple in a Pre-Cana Retreat 

• Formation that is spiritual, intellectual, missionary and human (includes a Catechetical Segment on Marriage with the priest or deacon, engaged couple, and mentor couple; this could also be a Theology Discussion Evening on Marriage with all engaged couples in the parish and their mentors, open to all married couples in the parish)

• On-going support by mentors and the parish community

​​​​​"Marriage Preparation based on the catechumenate is described as 'a catechumenal itinerary for married life,' designed to help young people understand the sacrament, prepare engaged couples to celebrate their marriage and support newlyweds in the first years of their married life...

...the actual 'marriage catechumenate' for couples should last about a year and begin with a celebration or 'rite of engagement,'...The second phase should include a few months of more immediate preparation and a pre-wedding retreat just before the wedding. The third phase of assisting newlyweds should last two or three years." (Source: Our Sunday Visitor, June 15, 2022)

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